David 7 Recall & David 8 Pre-Order

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Source: http://www.michaelfassbender.org/david7problems.html

WEYLAND CYBERNETICS ANNOUNCES IMMEDIATE RECALL OF DAVID 7 MODELS

SANFRANCISCO, CA – JUNE 14, 2071

THE WEYLAND CYBERNETICS DIVISION HAS ANNOUNCED A LIMITED RECALL OF ALL DAVID 7 UNITS WITH SERIAL NUMBERS BETWEEN 5000 AND 6000, TYPES A THROUGH C, IN RESPONSE TO CONSUMER CLAIMS THAT THESE MODELS EXPERIENCED FAILURE WHILE ATTEMPTING TO INTERPRET CERTAIN HUMAN INTERACTIONS AND COMMANDS. “IT APPEARS THAT A HANDFUL OF WEYLAND CYBERNETICS REPAIR STATIONS, MOSTLY ON EARTH AND LUNA, HAVE RECEIVED SOME REPORTS, LESS THAN A FEW DOZEN REPORTS, THAT CERTAIN DAVID 7 UNITS… HAVE MALFUNCTIONED WHILE IN SERVICE,” EXPLAINS KATHRYN STUART-ROSE, A WEYLAND CYBERNETICS SPOKESPERSON. WEYLAND INDUSTRIES WILL BE COLLECTING THE DAVID MODELS AT NO COST TO THE CONSUMER AND PLAN TO CONDUCT STUDIES TO DETERMINE THE CAUSE OF THE MALFUNCTION. DAVID 7 OWNERS MAY CHOOSE TO WAIT UNTIL THE CONCLUSION OF THE STUDY TO RECEIVE A NEXT-GENERATION MODEL AT DISCOUNT PRICES OR RECEIVE A DAVID 7 REPLACEMENT AT NO EXTRA CHARGE. “IT APPEARS THAT ONE OF THE EMOTION MAPPING AND FACIAL RECOGNITION SENSOR IS THE ROOT OF THE PROBLEM,” STUART-ROSE FURTHER EXPLAINS, “THE DAVID 7’S APPARENTLY MISREAD HUMAN EMOTIONS SUCH AS SURPRISE AND INTEREST, INTERPRETING THEM INSTEAD AS ANGER OR FRUSTRATION.” IT IS NOT CURRENTLY KNOWN WHETHER THE RECALL WILL EXTEND TO OTHER MODELS. DAVID 7 OWNERS ARE ADVISED TO CAREFULLY OBSERVE NON-RECALL MODELS AND NOTE ANY STRANGE OR UNUSUAL BEHAVIOR. IF ANY DAVID 7 UNIT APPEARS TO BECOME EVEN MILDLY UNCOOPERATIVE, AGGRESSIVE OR UNRESPONSIVE, THEY SHOULD DELIVER HIM TO A CERTIFIED WEYLAND CYBERNETICS REPAIR STATION IMMEDIATELY.

Source: http://www.michaelfassbender.org/david8preorders.html

DAVID 8 PRE-ORDERS
EXCEED ANALYST’S BEST EXPECTATIONS

HENRI GASTON COLONY,
HD 202206BM – DECEMBER 23, 2072

FROM THE MARKETING OFFICES OF WEYLAND CYBERNETICS LOGIC DESIGN AND RESEARCH FACILITY, LOCALLY REFERRED TO AS THE “ALGORITHM FARM” ON HD 202206BM, ANALYSTS REPORT THAT THE LATEST NUMBERS FOR THE NEW DAVID 8 UNIT PRE-ORDER REGISTRATION ARE EXCEEDING EVEN THE HIGHEST EXPECTATIONS.

AFTER TESTING FAVOURABLY IN OVER 80% OF HOUSEHOLDS AND WORKPLACES, WEYLAND CYBERNETICS SEEMS POISED TO MAKE GOOD ON ITS “ONE IN EVERY HOME” PROMISE WITH THE UPCOMING DAVID 8 INTRODUCTION INITIATIVE THIS SPRING. IN ADDITION TO 2-YEAR TRIAL PLACEMENT IN THOUSANDS OF HOMES AND BUSINESSES ON EARTH, DAVID 8 HAS ADDITIONALLY WOWED TEST AUDIENCES ACROSS THE GALAXY, PERFORMING OFF-WORLD ASSISTANCE MISSIONS ON SEVERAL NEWLY TERRAFORMED PLANETS.

“HE’S EVEN PARTICIPATED IN TITANIUM MINING OUTSIDE THE INDUSTRIAL POWERHOUSE, OUTPOST SEPTEMBER, ON KOI-252.01,” EXPLAINS WILLIAM CONCORDOV, WEYLAND INDUSTRIES SENIOR SPOKESPERSON. “AS I UNDERSTAND IT FROM THE REPORTS, WEYLAND MINERS AND EMPLOYEES AT THE OUTPOST CALLED HIM ‘JUST ONE OF THE GUYS.’” SAYS CONCORDOV.

CONSUMER INTEREST IS GROWING THANKS TO WORD OF MOUTH AND A DWINDLING SUPPLY OF NEW DAVID 7 MODELS ON THE MARKET. PRELIMINARY SPECIFICATIONS HAVE NOT YET BEEN FULLY RELEASED, BUT WEYLAND INDUSTRIES RECENTLY REVEALED THAT DAVID 8 WILL HAVE IMPROVED EMOTION RECOGNITION SOFTWARE, A HIGHLY STRENGTHENED MUSCULOSKELETAL STRUCTURE, AND EASY SELF-MAINTENANCE FEATURES.

“WEYLAND INDUSTRIES HAS SPENT YEARS TRAILBLAZING THE MOST ADVANCED CYBERNETIC TECHNOLOGY ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD,” SAYS CONCODOV, “DAVID 8 WILL SHOW IT ALL OFF.”

WEYLAND CYBERNETICS IS CURRENTLY TAKING PRE-ORDERS; CONTACT YOUR LOCAL BRANCH THROUGH ANDROID COMMUNICATION OR HOLOTAB.

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3 comments

    1. It was released as viral media by Fox through the old project Prometheus website. Michael Fassbender.org now keeps them backed up as part of his portfolio.

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